Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
