Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize