i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
