I hate all girls vehemently.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
