Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
