either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
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