why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
