I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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