And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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