So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
