she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
