This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
