my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
