I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
