i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
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