I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
