mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
