Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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