The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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