hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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