you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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