my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
