I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
