And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
