Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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