I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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