Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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