I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
