hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
