Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
