I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize