You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
