Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
