Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Randomize
