I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
