i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
