so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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