First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
