JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
