I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
