FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i used baking grease as lip gloss
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
