Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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