I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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