I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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