M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
