I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
