This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
she peed on how many people?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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