i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
