we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
