Do you still have your period?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
