Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
