i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
this beer tastes like vomit already
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
The convent might be a nice break from real life
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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