im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
