Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
