i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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