she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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