u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
