i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Randomize
