Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
