so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
