She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just found puke in my bra..
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
