So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
