dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
