But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
