Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
we're making bets on your personal life
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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