Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
